I Think, Therefore I Am
by Desktop Warrior
Summary: How do you convince someone that he's your friend when you're an idiot who can only charge forward? Rin-centric, not meant to be shippy. T for swearing.


**A/N: **This story has been minimally edited. For now, I'm posting this draft because the challenge it's part of is due tomorrow. Rest assured that it will be refined at a later date.

Submitted for the **E's Inner Modernist** Challenge, part of the RLt's Green Room event. Details for this challenge may be found at The Reviews Lounge, Too forum, under the thread Fall Event: The RLt Green Room.

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**I Think, Therefore I Am**

Godaiin was standing alone in the hallway when Rin spotted him, leaning against the wall and staring at nothing in particular. Rin quickened his pace. He hadn't seen the other boy since before he and the other ExWires had left. The corners of his lips tugged into a smile. A greeting was long overdue.

"Godaiin! Godaiin!"

The other boy stood, looking up abruptly. His eyes widened, his mouth slightly open.

"Okumura-kun."

"Godaiin!" Rin clapped his friend on the shoulder, his grin a mile wide. "It's been so long since we've talked, huh?" He chuckled, scratching the back of his head. "Well, uh, I've, uh, kinda been away for a while, haven't I? Exorcist business, you know. Top secret and all that stuff, ah…you see, some stuff happened and we had to leave really quickly and…" He stopped. _Shut up, Rin,_ he told himself. _You haven't even let the guy get a word in edgewise._ "So, uh, you workin' hard in school as always?"

"I have."

"Great! I know you'll go far in life, man. It's nice to know some things never change. You'll always have me beat there…" Again, he paused, a silence falling between them. "How have you been? You holding up okay with the demons?"

"I'm fine. It's not a problem anymore."

"That's good." Rin didn't say more, giving the other an opportunity to talk.

But Godaiin didn't answer. Perhaps it was Rin's imagination, but he didn't seem to be particularly focused on Rin. In fact, he didn't seem to want to talk at all. A beat, then he gave Rin a perfunctory smile.

"Please excuse me, Okumura-kun. I have class in five minutes." Without waiting for a reply, Godaiin brushed past him and walked down the hall.

Rin didn't move, his mind blank as he attempted to process what just happened. Thinking had never been his strong suit, but wasn't his friend acting strangely? They hadn't seen each other in weeks, and now, Godaiin was just blowing him off.

"Godaiin…"

It was his duty, as a friend, to be there for him. Whirling around, he hurried after the other. "Godaiin," he said. Again, "Godaiin!"

Finally, the other boy faced him. "Yes, Okumura-kun?" The tone of his voice was oddly clipped, his face neutral, an unmoving mask.

"What…what's wrong, buddy?" It was all Rin could ask. He wasn't getting Godaiin at all today, but the guy clearly had something on his mind. Rin had always thought those kinds of things should be out in the open.

But it didn't seem like Godaiin would make it easy for him. "What would be wrong?"

"Uh…I don't know. You tell me!" _Damn it._ Really, trying to pry out someone else's thoughts was best left to the professionals. He'd never expected this from Godaiin, though.

"Please, Okumura-kun." Godaiin exhaled softly. "I have a class in-"

"Don't bullshit me." Rin frowned as he looked the other squarely in the eye. "I may be dumb, but even I remember that we have a free period now. That's why I was hoping to catch you here."

That garnered a reaction, at least. Godaiin's eyes widened a fraction before his features settled back into porcelain immobility.

"You…remember, you say?"

"What?" Rin jerked his head back. What was he getting at? Hell, Godaiin was being more than unusually serious.

When Godaiin continued to regard him silently, Rin pressed him. He took a couple of steps closer, the thump of his footsteps hard in the quiet corridor. "What's going on? You can tell me." He sighed. "You can tell me anything, man. We're friends."

"Just like you told me you were leaving?"

"I…what…?" For the second time, words failed Rin. So this was what it was all about. He opened his mouth to defend himself, but Godaiin cut him off.

"I had to find out from Faust-sama that you and the other ExWires had left." He balled up his skinny hands into fists, his body trembling. His voice steadily rose in pitch as he continued: "I waited for you all night at the Festival, even after security recommended that we all leave. I thought that these explosions had-" He gulped. "-had harmed you. I waited for you all night after you said you were going to look for Kamiki-san. And you never came back!"

"Is that what you were worried about?" Rin let out a breathy chuckle. His own hands were shaking, but he willed them to stop. "Come on, dude, you know me!" He puffed out his chest, pointing at himself with his thumb as he grinned. "A little explosion doesn't hurt."

Godaiin continued as if he hadn't heard him, merely facing him with narrowed eyes. "You didn't show up to class the next day, either. Or the next. I finally talked to the headmaster in person. He said you were on a mission. That it might take a while for you to return." He sighed and shook his head. "When did you get back, anyway?"

"A…couple days ago…?"

"Heh. And you didn't even text me, or call, or…or anything."

"I…well, I didn't think I'd need to." Rin said after a couple blinks, slowly registering what Godaiin was telling him. But he knew it was a weak reply. The moment he said it, he knew it sounded like an excuse.

"Yeah, you didn't think!" Godaiin's voice rose to a shout. "That there was someone left behind here who cared about you!"

"Just wait a minute…!"

Godaiin gritted his teeth, his next words as hard as iron: "Don't you ever call me your friend again."

Rin gasped out loud, holding a hand against the wall to keep his balance. If it weren't for that, he didn't think he would've been able to restrain himself. _Why, you…!_

It took him only one moment of staring at Godaiin's retreating back for him to regain his speech. "So that's it, then!? You're just going to run off!?" But Godaiin kept walking away one step at a time. Another friendship, departing one step at a time.

Damn if he'd let that happen.

"Don't you turn your back on me!" Don't you dare run away! Not after you've come so far!"

That made Godaiin stop, though he still didn't turn around.

"You don't even know what I've been through while I was gone. What the others and I have been through to get Izumo back. Against the fucking Illuminati! And what we went through before that on all our missions." He paused to catch his breath. "The eyedrops. Did you think about the eyedrops – the ones you didn't even use – before you went and decided you weren't my friend!?"

Yes, now it was Rin's turn to rant. Maybe he was just defending himself. Maybe he was just desperately clinging onto a friendship that maybe, just maybe, he didn't deserve. Screw it. Godaiin was going to hear the other side, whether he liked it or not.

"Look me in the eye and tell me you think I don't see you as my friend!"

Nothing. And then…

"That's just it." Rin strained to hear the whisper of Godaiin's voice. Slowly, the other boy turned around, meeting Rin with a steady gaze. His eyes were red-rimmed, like he'd been holding back tears. "How could I know what you've been through? With your abilities? You're an Exorcist." Rin didn't miss the emphasis on the last word. "You're a demon-"

Rin let out a low growl. "So you're going to hold that against me now, too?"

"Not like that," said Godaiin, shaking his head. "But…"

He withdrew into himself and averted his gaze. It reminded Rin of how the boy was when they'd first met, timid and unobtrusive. "You have powers most people couldn't even dream of. You go out and…save the world and stuff. That's what you and the other Exorcists do. So you don't know what it's like for those who can't do anything. People like me."

Before he could stop himself, Rin slammed the side of his fist into the wall, earning a loud _meep_ from Godaiin. His demon strength let loose, his attack gouged a small crater into the concrete, dangerous cracks extending outward onto the rest of the wall. Chunks of concrete fell to the floor, and Rin's hand was bleeding slightly, but Rin ignored it in favour of Godaiin, who was still shuddering violently.

"Don't you ever say that about yourself again. You are not a person who can't do anything. You know that as well as I do."

"R-really?" To his credit, Godaiin kept most of the squeak out of his voice. "Because I'm pretty sure I can't do _that."_

Rin glanced at the wall as though seeing it for the first time. A blush crept onto his face. "Well, maybe you don't want to do that," he said ,chuckling.

"I can't save anyone, either." Godaiin's retort was immediate, composed. "I can't go on missions like you do and protect people from demons. All this time, we've been kept in the dark about what's really out there. We still are. I see it, but I can't do anything about it. You're an Exorcist like it's second nature to you." He sighed deeply, pursing his lips. "What I'm trying to say is, you live in a different world. So why would someone like me mean anything to you?"

Rin paused, considering his words more carefully than he ever had in his life. No, being an idiot who just kept rushing forward wouldn't work this time. It went against the way he'd acted in the past, but that was what friendship was about: both sides made sacrifices. And, he realized, Godaiin had made more of a sacrifice than he needed to. Right now, Godaiin didn't need a heartfelt or vehement declaration. He needed a real example to understand.

"Godaiin." Rin gestured with the palm of his hand. "Let's sit down. I'm going to tell you just how you and I aren't so different."

So Rin told him. He told Godaiin about the priest who had raised him. The man he'd seen as his father, Fujimoto Shirou, Paladin of the Order of the True Cross. He told Godaiin about Shirou's being possessed by Satan himself right after he'd denied Shirou as his father. About Shirou's dying moments, giving his life to deny Satan the opportunity to walk free in Gehenna, and more importantly, to allow Rin to live.

"I can't do everything, either," he said. "But I can sure as hell do _something._ And you're doing something, too, Godaiin. It may not be what I'm doing, but that's okay. We're all good at different things."

Godaiin hadn't said a word throughout Rin's reminiscence, and he was still silent, though he watched Rin intently.

"So don't you dare say you're not my friend again."

"I'm sorry," Godaiin said with a gulp, holding onto the floor with the undersides of his wrists. "I…"

Rin shushed him by putting an arm around his shoulder and smiling. "We're good." He took a deep breath.

"And now, it's my turn to say sorry. You're…you're right in a way. After what happened that night, all I thought was that I needed to sort things out as quickly as possible. Get Izumo and Shima back. Well, we got Izumo back, but that's another story."

He furrowed his brow. Really, he wasn't used to talking things out. Better start now. "I yelled at you, but I didn't consider what wasn't in front of me. What you said earlier is true. I was kept in the dark all my life, too, and I didn't think that you felt exactly the same way. Friends don't do that."

Rin put his hand to his heart. "I'm not going to lie. There's a lot of nasty shit in this world, which you're just starting to see. You deserve to know what's going on. So I promise you, I'll tell you when I need to leave. Next time, and every time after that."

Godaiin's mouth opened slightly, a tear rolling down his cheek. "Okumura-kun…" His voice came out in a choked sob.

"Hey, now!" Rin said, smiling once more. "That was meant to reassure you, not make you cry."

"I…I'm sorry. I can't he-help it." He wiped the tear away, his sobs opening into laughter. "I just…I'm so…" He relaxed his posture, back leaning against the damaged wall, sure that it was something they'd joke about in the future.

"So…" said Rin. "Friends?"

"Friends."


End file.
